Over the past several months one small word has occupied much of my attention: focus. It’s been echoing in my mind, following my every thought, sometimes with a gentle smile, other times with a scolding expression. It certainly is one of those little words with a big attitude — once it has become part of your consciousness it’s impossible to ignore. And that is a good thing, a very good thing indeed.
When I think of my childhood school days, particularly 5th and 6th grade (which used to be called Orientierungsstufe in Germany, from the word orientation, as kids are evaluated for future education, at least that was the intent) one thing stands out in my report card: Thorsten is often absent minded, easily distracted and tends to distract other children. My teachers had a difficult time reconciling my overall behavior with my learning potential, noting a quite pronounced discrepancy: I tended to be an A– student in music, arts, writing and mathematics, if I could focus long enough. However, I was also diagnosed as being hyperactive — usually referred to nowadays as ADHD (though this post will not be about any clinical condition).
Nevertheless, I always thought of myself as having a broad interest — ranging from archeology to zoology, literally. I was rather proud of that, especially when asked to list hobbies: the more I could list the better. Indeed, in high school I eventually was called “the walking encyclopedia”, the epitome of cool in my mind. However, teachers began to comment once again on the stark discrepancy between my intellectual abilities and my increasing lack of engagement — in part driven by my growing dislike of a very formulaic approach to learning. The creative elements of the early school days were gone, replaced by “by the book” attitudes and little room for personal discoveries and engagement (certainly a profound cultural element of German society in general).
What initially led to lower grades in school, frustrating but not life changing yet, would later become more complex and challenging. I never lost my curiosity, which I see as a positive asset and integral part of who I am. But it also has proven to be a stumbling block and major drawback with regards to finding my calling (creatives think in terms of calling and purpose rather than job and career). Of course there’s certainly never been a shortage of advice from the outside, much of it good, or at least well meant, some of it highly encouraging and motivating. I even took an extensive aptitude test many years ago. The results attested that I could indeed do anything I put my mind to (I always held onto it and have it right in front of me this very moment).
And here is that crucial missing element: focus. But not focus as in concentrating on the task at hand, something I’ve always been able to do, but focus on a particular talent. Let’s call it the I-talent, that one core talent at the center of any person that defines them, shapes their actions and way of life. That one talent that is such an integral part of who we are that we simply don’t recognize it because “it’s just what we do” or “it’s nothing, really” because we so effortlessly utilize it. Creatives are particularly prone to this kind of thinking because creativity is more of a heart matter than a head matter and therefore looked upon as irrational in an environment that favors rationalism (the dreamer, the head-in-the-cloud person, the introvert living in his/her own world, etc.).
Our I-talent often manifests itself in subtle ways — doodles on scrap paper or sidelines, whistling melodies or tapping beats we don’t recall ever hearing, arranging things a certain way around us by color palette or style, seeing scenes and stories while at lunch, taking photos with our mind’s eye, etc. Maybe you have an ever growing collection of music of a particular genre, or of graphic design, photography, music magazines, maybe you’re almost part of the inventory of your local bookshop or library (while they’re still around…). You may find yourself drawn to several such activities but if you look real close there’s one that is slightly more dominant. That could very well be your I-talent, something you long to do but ultimately keep ignoring, denying or at the very least restrained.
Over the past several months I have done exactly that kind of analysis. I paid close attention to what I react to most intensely, inside, not necessarily visible on the outside. I’ve read several helpful books such as The Career Guide for Creative and Unconventional People and The Five-Minute Writer containing great advice and/or exercises. I reduced distractions and looked at ways of doing things I enjoy more, well, enjoyably. And most importantly I’ve trained myself to focus.
After closely scrutinizing my approach to writing, photography and composing I’ve come to better understand what works for me, what doesn’t and why. As a result my approach to photography has changed. I made a clear break between my professional interest and the gathering of visual inspiration. I’ve always felt reluctant bringing my DSLR around. It didn’t feel right, lacking creative spontaneity. Now I leave it in the studio, where I feel it belongs, and instead gather visual inspiration using my iPhone. It’s liberatingly restrictive and simple,which means I am able to be in the moment rather than thinking about the right settings. Also, once captured I can quickly edit a photo without the distraction of a multitude of settings and options. There is focus.
In turn I can act on initial impulses and feelings faster, focusing on my poetry of the moment. The results are then posted to Instagram as well as my new blog Congizant:Dreamer. This spontaneity is refreshing and avoids getting lost in thoughts while the pages in front of me remain blank. Liberated of certain processes that inhibited more than they encouraged my writing is more organic again rather than procedure driven. There’s an important balance now between creating and sharing.
I also no longer feel compelled to needing a visual element to all of my writings, as this post attests. Especially writings like this can be difficult to illustrate with images. There are many posts I haven’t written for exactly that reason. Now there is focus on what really matters: the process of writing. Also, to help me stay focused while writing longer pieces I have resorted to using an iPad. It’s quite similar to writing in a good old fashioned journal, undistracted and unoccupied (I’m using Blogsy in case you wondered; also Daedalus for print pieces). There is no temptation to constantly check emails, browse the web (“research”) or drift off otherwise. I highly recommend giving it a try if you get easily sidetracked as well.
In the process I became fully aware of what I must focus on the most, what lies at my core, influences everything I do, makes me me: music. Of course I’ve always been aware of how much I like music but there’s always been a good amount of neglect, of “I know, but”, of “maybe I should, but probably not”, at best treating it as a sidekick rather than the main star. All that has turned into “do it!” and “focus!”. And so I do and I focus and I discover connections I never knew existed, intricate, subtle responses that make all the difference. I’ve since started refreshing my knowledge of music theory (via Music Theory for Computer Musicians and Harmony for Computer Musicians) and am also about to take composing classes. There are some dreams that want to become realities and I will share this journey on these very pages (together with related poetry and prose).
Now. What about you? Do you have a hard time focusing? What do you think you should be focusing on, what is your I-talent?
This I-talent you speak of is exactly what I have been trying to NOT avoid anymore Thorsten, that’s one reason I am taking the BYW class with Holly & friends. You are so eloquent in pointing out exactly the “calling and purpose of creatives, the “it’s just what I do” when others marvel at our talents, and the ignoring of what we really rather be doing. I really enjoyed your writing and plan to come back regularly to read more of your genius observations! thanks
Hi Thorsten,
I am the tech support (aka husband) of http://Lebenslustiger.com/ . Man — you nailed it in this post. Focus is hard — Focus is all about the things you decide _not_ to do. I always thought: ha — my computer can multitask — so can I, but I clearly have to admit that my computers are much better at that than I’ll ever be!
So focus indeed is it — in the little things like just a stretch of uninterrupted work because you will yourself to do one and one thing only.
Or focus in live — picking the “thing” you really want and sticking with it. My passion, my I thing is anything that is hard related to computers. Lately it’s big data solutions for analyzing customer behavior.
I feel fairly close to you though: to start with I live near Hildesheim, close to your Hannover location, but more important: i have a passion for photography, am a pianist dabblign in making computer music and my alter ego does tech support for my blogging wife. Clearly I am not focused enough :)
I am finding though that focus yields success (well, maybe with 20% talent, 40% passion and 40% stick-to-it-ness which is probably another word for focus :)
Great post — and thanks for the links. Both blogsy and daedalus look good and the music theory books could actually provide focus on music again.
All the best,
Olv
@Elaine: Welcome to the BYW2.0! I am certain you’ll find a lot of inspiration and motivation as well as new impulses in our class. And thank you too for the kind words, very much appreciated.
@Lebenslustiger’s tech support: Thanks so much for that great comment Olv (btw, I like your introduction, nice to meet you, I am the tech support of decor8!).
Excellent point regarding multitasking. I know exactly what you mean. It’s especially true for very curious, inquisitive types — and I know I am one of them. I am always eager to learn something new and try out something I perceive as interesting. Problem is, this works fine when we’re younger, still trying to figure things out, but once we get older and life, aka responsibilities, set in we are more or less forced to pick something. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it does make us aware of focus, but if we don’t know what it is we should be doing we can either end up doing the “wrong” thing (for a long time) or continue sort of dabbling in a million different things — and appear irresponsible or indecisive in the process. I find this to be a major issue for guys in general.
I am “the computer guy” as well, at least that’s how I always sold myself. I got my first computer when I was about 10 (a Sinclair ZX 81, that “black box”) and have been hooked ever since. But what initially fascinated me about computers (that strange new world coupled with scientific possibilities) hasn’t really manifested itself in any long lasting manner as I, and probably many other guys, always felt the need to apply my skills in a serious way: in the “professional” business world. I’ve done lots of things in that field, from tech support to teaching to coding to developing corporate sized databases. But it always eventually wore me out. My, slightly more dominant, creative side was left out of the game. I had to really stop and make myself focus on what I need to be doing so I can keep doing it, preferably in some way or another till the end.
At the very core of myself there sits a writer eager to tell stories. I’ve been writing it all — articles, musings, features, reviews — of course code in all different programming languages — and music. There’s an explorer who wants to find brave new world and tell the tale.
It’s ultimately a refinement process. And as much as we sometimes want things to be singular (especially us Germans) life is multifaceted and so are our talents. That I-talent can manifest itself in different expressions and I believe recognizing these expressions and realizing they are all part of one whole thing (e.g. writing words > writing music) makes it more rationally explainable (a guy thing, not so much a girl thing).
I still want to multitask, I think any creative soul wants to. It’s quite innate. But it has to be guided, it has to be given form, and boundaries, and it has to be prioritized. Balance, to me, is key.
Thanks again for that food for thought Olv! Do feel free to stay in touch and share your photographic and musical endeavors.
Hi Thorsten — this is really weird: I started with a sinclair as well, first the zx81 and then the spectrum with the rubber keyboard! I guess we are the same kind of ‘computer guys’.
Re photography: At some point I went all Nikon — that started with an F801 (back then when there was film), getting pro-ish with an F4 — and then digital later — and learning in-between that lenses are much more important than bodies.
I am very impressed that you shot Holly latest book — as I find good studio photography and lighting very hard. A friend of mine went all the way through Brooks Institute in Santa Barbara and actually formally learned everything about photography and is now making a living of it. Where did you get your lighting skills from?
Re music — another friend of mine in Hannover actually runs a studio (basement software) and also co-wrote a rock-ballet (love or war) — and turned me on to macs and logic. I am still just dabbling — it’s much easier to just sit down in front of the piano and let her rip :)
Speaking of audio: nice production on the byw podcasts — with a little reverb, sounds really good. I appreciate the technical quality you produce with — that seems to never get in the way of the content, nice work!
I’ll PM you in the forum to not hijack your comment section here further :)
@Lebenslustiger’s tech support: No worries about hijacking the comment section, this all very much pertains to the content of this post, i.e. doing things we enjoy. Great point about lenses being more important than the camera, absolutely! I found that Olympus makes some of the finest lenses on the market and that’s how I ended up with my current Oly E-30.
Thanks so much too for the kind words about my photography. I do have to give credit where credit is due as Debi Treloar shot most of Holly’s upcoming book (as she did with Decorate). I did some additional photos such as Holly’s moodboards, extras of our apartment and Holly’s portrait(s). I followed Debi’s lead and shot using only natural light. It does require a solid understanding of light though as well as angles and the right camera settings since you can’t just add another light to get a more even exposure.
However, I also do studio photography, specifically close-ups and macros — which require more tricky lighting (see http://cinematictoys.com for some off-topic examples). I have various LED studio lights (intensity adjustable and with additional filters) as well as lots of LED flashlights in varying intensity and colors for special effects. I’ve been doing it for many years now and really enjoy it. I am self-taught only though, I’ve never taken a formal class (I did and do read lots of books and magazines and online articles).
Thank you to for the compliments on Holly’s podcasts. I think the first one had a bit too much reverb (due to having >3m ceilings) so for the second one I mic’ed a bit more dry. I use a Blue Yeti USB mic and Sony MDR-7506 headphones for monitoring; Holly just wants to keep going with that setup even after she’s done recording :). I used to do voice overs for some major corporations in the US years ago (Adobe, Microsoft, EMC), learned a lot on the job which I can now apply in my own studio work.
Do feel free to email me any time for some “tech talk”.