It doesn’t have to be perfect, originally uploaded by Thorsten Becker.
Perfection. Many people strive for it, few accomplish it in their chosen profession and even then they’re often not happy with what they’ve accomplished. There is a term for someone constantly trying to be perfect: perfectionist. I include myself in this group on many occasions — do it right or don’t do it at all. It’s a silly attitude and one that often leads to frustration and even can prevent us from actually making progress. Part of the problem is our most common definition of perfection, that of freedom from fault or defect. It is an absolute term as in something has to be absolutely right, absolutely correct, geometrically straight and even. The problem is that this just isn’t natural. Take the human body for example, specifically the face. Take a photo of a face, any face, then cut one half out and mirror the remaining. It suddenly looks odd, weird, strange. It justs doesn’t look natural anymore. Each side of our face and even our whole body is slightly different from the other.
We struggleforperfection because we want to be without fault, without blame. Everything we do we want to be right and good and admirable. At its core this struggle is positive and enables us to get better at the things we enjoy doing. But we don’t need to be perfect. To the contrary. If indeed anything we’d put our mind to would be perfect in the end where would be the desire to try to hone our skills, to become better at something, to branch out or try something new for the enjoyment of learning it? This is in line with another definition of perfection — the act or process of perfecting. This indicates a constant activity, a continued effort, the ability to master something (achieve a level of excellence) but still be able to go beyond or continue in another direction. I personally prefer this definition — a desire for perfection without setting unrealistic goals and expectations that could choke our creativity and ambition.
The reason for this post is a concert my wife and I attended yesterday. We went to the Theater am Aegi in Hannover and saw “A Fine Frenzy” aka Alison Sud
What a lovely way to look at that part of her performance. Besides touching it also seems quite courageous on her part that she would be willing to take the risk of performing a piece in a less than “perfect” way. I can imagine that besides being touched, one could be inspired by an artist willing to take risks. We should all be so courageous. It’s a hard thing to do when so many of us were raised with a perfection agenda, yet taking risks is what makes us grow and be stronger. That seems perfect to me.
So well put.…so thoughtful and thought provoking. This post “got to my heart” and I could not agree more. What a brave and beautiful thing she did, and what lovely encouragers she had in you and Holly.
Thank you!
xo
Melissa
Excellent point Roberta. I really enjoy artists that take a risk and try something new and therefore have a wide ranging repertoire. It shows they are willing to go beyond their comfort zone and it is indeed inspiring. I think of Sting’s last album “Songs from the labyrinth”. An excellent album in my opinion, I really enjoy listening to it, not just because of the music but the idea behind it — his personal fascination with 17th century musician John Dowland on one side and the lute he received as gift from a friend on the other side. Sting drew quite a good amount of criticism for it from fans of his music as well as this particular style of music. I on the other hand felt very inspired. It may not be perfect by various definitions but, as you pointed out so well, it is courageous and in turn inspiring.
Here via decor8, and I just wanted to say I agree completely! I think it was very brave of her to test out an unpolished song. I already loved her music, now I admire her too.
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Getting to the heart is most often how I am thinking of connecting with my audience when I am performing. The greatest affirmation for me is when someone tells me “that song made me cry”, rather than commenting on my vocal performance. And there are many times my performances are not close to perfection, in fact, in live performing, there can be some pretty awkward moments of imperfection. What really matters, however, is that I want my audience to have as much fun as I am having. Imperfection and all.
There isnt anything more beautiful or touching than someone baring their soul through their music and if its not totally note perfect, who cares, it adds to the pull, because that way its their real self their showing not a manufactured version. Esp with music– over produced and artificial perfection ( a bit like airbrushed magazine covers) takes away the heart of a person.
thanks for the post Thorsten, i came over from Holly’s and i’m glad i did. oh and i’m gona get her cd too! best wishes Kathryn
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I really like your take on perfectionism. A lot of people can’t solve this seeming dilemma of finding the motivation to improve and at the same time being happy with their current life and all its deficits.
I’ve heard overly critical people say that they had to be that way, otherwise their cildren, co-workers, themselves… would become complacent and lose all drive and ambition — probably not realizing that by this extreme view, they make the others fall into the trap of negative perfectionism, doing nothing more than desperately trying to avoid the shame of being criticized.
Of course, most of the time these people are negative perfectionists themselves, constantly and secretly insecure with their own ‘flaws’. That’s why they have a hard time accepting if others confidently display their flaws instead of hiding them in shame. I think the best way to deal with this kind of people is to not give any power by them and to simply ignore them.
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I’ve sat here for a while now reading through the comments, so many fine thoughts. I think anybody that feels beaten because they can’t measure up at times just needs to look at all the great comments to perk right back up again.
Music is a topic I can personally go an about for hours. I enjoy listening to it, I enjoy composing it. It’s a form of expression, an emotional communication, much more than the spoken word at times. There is way too much ‘perfect’ music out there, mechanically written, neatly cut and trimmed, pressed into shape, losing whatever soul and emotion it may have had in the process. I’d rather listen to a street performer than to most of the pop music out there (like the guy playing his oboe downtown Hannover, let me tell you, he is great). The concert yesterday, that was from heart to heart, emotional music, a conversation over tea with a friend (she literally had a cup of hot tea on her piano), a journey to the far away lands of our imagination.
Perfectionism, the demon of all those who are too scared or too proud to stand by their flaws and learn. I’ve met plenty of people that fit Ina’s description, we have quite many in Germany. It’s difficult dealing with them as they’re constantly stressed out because everything has to be ‘perfect’. They keep pushing without acknowledging, criticizing without any praise. I know I make more progress when I feel at ease, when I know I am ‘allowed’ to make mistakes, when I know I can hit a wrong note, trip over myself running, loose my train of thought during a presentation and nobody makes a big deal of it; because it isn’t and it happens and we all smile and move on. And it’s a key element of becoming better, of perfecting our skills — a relaxed, forgiving environment.
Thank you again for all your nice comments, it was very encouraging to me as well.
Came over from Holly’s and am glad that I did. This is a beautiful post. It actually made me tear up a bit because I’m a perfectionist and it’s at the point where my perfectionism is destroying my life, and my spirit. Anyways, thank you for the reminder that perfection isn’t even that good of a goal.
Dear delphine, I am glad you came by and I hope that some of the things mentioned in the post and also in the comments provide some encouragement. I’d like to reinforce something already mentioned namely that the desire to be perfect leading up to perfectionistic behavior is more often then not driven by the desire to be accepted and the sense that we’re only accepted if we do everything right, especially if we’d been confronted with over critical people (family members play a dominant role here). It can really be devastating to try hard and keep ‘failing’, failing because we don’t measure up to the unreachable standards of those criticizing us — those who don’t even really appreciate us. I find it crucial to focus my energy on people that like me the way I am and hence give me room for reasonable improvement at my own pace.